What do you imagine when you think of a kink party? Leather masks perhaps? The sounds of whips being cracked and hands being cuffed? Well, what about shark costumes? Or clowns? Raina Greifer’s “CUM AS U ARE” event series offers a silly and joyful access point to the often intimidating world of kink.
While the more familiar and, for want of a better word, “conventional” aspects of the kink scene provide meaningful and rapturous forms of expression and pleasure for many people, curiosity for the sex-positive world of play parties and kink spaces can often feel as though it comes with a set of requirements. There can be the feeling of an assumed level of experience and knowledge, perhaps also possession of a vast array of multipurpose, easy-to-clean equipment. Similarly, there can be an assumption that you must have a playmate with whom to attend, or, if not, then surely a burning desire to become entangled with a stranger well into the early hours. In the words of Raina, it can “feel like [your] experience isn’t valid because [you’re] not coming with a buttplug in [your] ass”.
While I’m sure plenty of seasoned frequenters of such scenes would correct us on this, that doesn’t stop the very real anxiety felt by newcomers who are perhaps after something a bit more, well, silly.
This is where Raina comes in. The Bristol-based theatre practitioner, performer, and event coordinator understands that not everyone is coming to the world of sex positivity on an equal footing. As Raina put it when I sat down with her over webcam, “no one teaches us how to have sex … we are just sort of put out into the world and expected to figure it out”. With a background in exploring trauma-informed sex positivity, Raina believes that there should be space within the kink scene for those who are not already immersed. She acknowledges that we are all coming to sex with individual histories, traumas, and comfort levels. And crucially, that we don’t all feel “sexy” through the same means. Sexiness can look and feel so vastly different to everyone, so why must the kink scene be solely the domain of the leather-clad, leash-wielding among us?
Raina’s event this month at VFDalston was born of a previous incarnation in Bristol, which marked the end of her solo tour exploring the “grey areas of consent”. The decision to bring CUM AS U ARE to the capital came in response to VFD’s open call for new event nights. The first CUM AS U ARE event kicked off at the legendary queer venue on April 18th, and Raina hopes it will lead to many more.
While whips, masks, gags, and cuffs are by no means forbidden, at CUM AS U ARE, the list of activities and potential props just doesn’t end there. Whatever it is that gets you going, you’re welcome to try it out. Not sure what gets you going? That’s not a problem either, CUM AS U ARE offers a zero-pressure, safe space for sexual exploration. There is a particular emphasis on solo pleasure, something Raina feels is crucially lacking in the wider kink scene. Expertly curated using their knowledge and understanding of the pleasurable potential of theatrics, Raina pairs each feel-good DJ set with a performance, from poetry and drag, to clown acts.
Performers at this month’s event included legends of the scene such as clown drag artist Rosa Garland, poet and theatre maker Maedb Joy, DJs BEKIMACHINE, Aria and M Hunny, and drag artist Fanny Bleach. Self-professed “tired girlie”, Raina’s night ended at midnight, opening up the world of kink to those of us who like to get our kicks before the dawn chorus.
Check out the event at @cum.asyouare.party.
