Unhinged stories
Last autumn I used Hinge for a few months, while slightly soul-destroying, boy was it entertaining. Here are some of the slightly unhinged men I met along the way.
Uncomfortable by my intelligence
This is the guy who will google a point you’ve explained “just in case” you’re wrong despite it being what you spent 10 hours last week researching for a university essay. He will view your interests as unimportant and constantly reaffirm that what he does will always be more important (he’s an amateur DJ).
The phoney feminist (“I’m 6’2 by the way”)
This is the guy who seems to learn snippets of feminism, is totally for free-the-nipple, doesn’t mind if you don’t shave (though would hugely prefer if you did) and condemns violence against women (outside the bedroom). He will critique other men for their “toxic masculinity” but does not look at his own misogynistic traits. He feels immune to being threatening to women due to his feminist outlook: “don’t worry I’m only chasing after you to tell you I’m a feminist!”
The trauma dumper
This is the guy who, after you exhibit some human empathy and compassion, decides to detail his troubled relationship with his mother (I really do sympathise but seriously it’s our first date). He will be completely shocked when you are not head-over-heels for him after he confesses his undying love for you, after just 2 weeks.
The IDGAF
This is the guy who does not seem to want to spend time with you, he will always show you how you are not his priority and would rather play Clash of Clans than ask you about your day.
Cannot catch a drift
This is the guy who will not clock your many hints that the date is over and you want to go home. I’m not sure how many “wow, i’m so tired” or “i’ve actually got plans with my friends in a bit” a girl can give before an abrupt and awkward goodbye.
The awkwardness incubator
This is the guy who will be sitting down with a half-drunk pint when you arrive, leaving you to awkwardly say hi and then stand by the bar alone for 10 minutes while you order. The whole date will cycle through generic small talk questions that you answered during your GCSE Spanish exam.
If the unhinged world of Hinge hasn’t put your off online dating, click here for some advice from The New Feminist